Writing the Pine

Jersey Shore is back.

I’m a couple of bottles in…So sure why not have a live diary of the season premiere. Without further ado:

1) First of all I’m a big fan of the road tripping down to Miami.  Fried pickles.  Southern Hospitality.  Fireworks.  Oh yes. “Who does AAA call when they get stuck?

2) Why is Angelina back?  The equivalent of that would be the Yankees bringing back 2005 Carl Pavano.  Because it worked out SO WELL the first time around.

Or the Lakers bringing a crazy Ron Artest to a championship….wait…this might work out.

3) If Sammie talks about her and Ronnie one more time….I’m going to punch someone.  One shot.  One shot.

4) I have high hopes for single Ronnie.  He’s going to have a breakout season.  I’m thinking Brennan Boesch.  (Still fantasy baseball season, right?)

5) Angelina has a  suitcase.  Moving on up. Pauly D still winning the one-liner battle.  It’s not even close.

6) Girls = Drama (This coming from a guy currently living with three female roommates.)

7) Fyi, The Situation is getting close the big 3-0.  He needs to cash in while he’s on the right side of 30.

Take notes from this guy

Odds of Sammi and Ronnie hooking up?   3-1.  Although, Sammi’s lost a some weight.  Shades of Roger Clemens in his first season in Toronto.  In this analogy, Ronnie is Boston.

9) Ron.  Roid. Rage.  Love it.

RON ANGRY. SAMMI. C-WORD. RONNIE SMASH!

I used to have someone in my English class that reminded me of Ronnie.

10) Resident Evil Afterlife is going to be a terrible movie.  Take that to the bank.

11) LeBron went to Miami to team up with Chris Bosh, Dwyane Wade, and the Situation.  Apparently Lebron knows how to party.  Check out the ESPN article that was pulled off their website.

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Preview for the upcoming season? It will be an amazing season.  Some great fights.  Vinny hooking up with Snookie and Angelina?  It’s going to be a good season.