Writing the Pine

Jerry Holt/AP Photo/Star Tribune

You couldn’t just stay retired could you.  You couldn’t just stick with a decision you made.  You couldn’t just sit back and relax in your Wrangler jeans and pound down a few brewskies and painkillers.  You’re a quarterback for crying out loud. You’re not supposed to be indecisive.  Now we have to hear your name all damn season long.  Brett Favre this, Brett Favre that. As if we weren’t sick of hearing your name already.  You will no doubt steal the headlines October 5th when you play the Packers and dominate news coverage on November 1st when you make your return to Green Bay where I hope Nick Barnett does hit you.  Hard.  Thank you for making news though.  Like a jealous 14-year old girl, you couldn’t let Michael Vick, a fellow quarterback, have all the attention.  You needed the spotlight too.  You bastard.  And I don’t even care that you went to the Vikings.  I have no ties to the Vikings or Packers so it’s not a huge deal to me.  It’s not like Justin Boren leaving Michigan for Ohio State.  But you freakin’ better dominate and make this comeback worth it unlike last year when you pretty much bent over week 17 against the Dolphins and let them have their way with you.  And please for the love of God, don’t make us go through this crap all over again next off-season.  You’ve already caused us enough bitterness and anguish over hearing (non)stories about you.  So thanks Brett.  You’re a dick.  (Those guys need to update their page.)