Writing the Pine

Lance Armstrong stayed in the top-3 this weekend at the Tour de France despite challenges from his opponents and teammate, Alberto Contador, the 2007 Tour de France winner.  It’s been an impressive run up to this point, especially since he’s had a four-year hiatus from the sport spent mostly running topless with Matthew McConaughey.

FROGS! and OTHER ANIMALS!

In light of the tragic Steve McNair shooting incident, NFL commissioner Roger Goodell and the NFL’s Competition Committee has decided to make it illegal for their players to have mistresses and relationships outside of marriage.  Mr. Goodell had no comment about the report.  Travis Henry on the other hand had plenty to say: “This is b—s—.  F—— B—s—.  Get out of my face!” as he made his way to a local Bank of America branch to make his weekly child support payments.

In case your boss is looking over your shoulder

As expected, the Miami Heat are trying to ink their superstar, Dwyane Wade to a contract extension and keep him in South Beach.  What is unexpected however is the name change form they are trying to get him to sign as well.  According to team president Pat Riley’s TwitterPage:  “We have formally offered our intention to re-sign Dwyane and also to get him to change his first name.   It should be spelled “Dwayne”.  It’s very difficult to spell and to be quite frank, some of our season ticket holders have complained about it for a long time.”

Something about global packets!

Eun-Hee Ji sunk a putt on 18 to win the U.S. Women’s Open tournament (Golf, not Tennis) to put the finishing touch on a very Asian influenced leaderboard.  It was much to the dismay of on-the-way-out Commissioner Carolyn Bivens who had tried her best to implement xenophobic policies to limit the very situation seen atop the leaderboard this past weekend.  Ms. Bivens tried to implement an English-only LPGA tour with strict language requirements in 2008 before backing down because of threats and pressure from sponsors, legislators, and players alike.  Earlier this year, the commish angered main tour sponsor Seoul Broadcasting Systems by inking a contract with a rival network, leading to SBS’s defection to sponsoring PGA events.  “I tried my very best to keep this traditional sport American.  I even tried to make the players speak Americanese (sic),” she said as she walked away from her resignation podium.   (Editor’s note, golf’s origin is not the United States, unlike Ms. Biven’s comments suggested.)

Something about social graphs?

Brock Lesner unified the heavyweight title at UFC 100 (although, I’m pretty sure they’ve had a lot more PPV events….) by defeating Frank Mir. Mr. Lesner at his post-fight interview with Joe Rogan:  “(GRUNT) (ROAR)  KILL FRANK MIR! HULK SMASH!  STEROIDS! (GROWL).”   There were more things said, however it was mostly unintelligible.  Then for $10,000, Joe Rogan dared him to eat Frank Mir’s testicles in front of a live television audience.   Which he did.

That’s all for this past weekend in sports.  Don’t let the weekday blues get you down. Join “Weekend Sports Musings” for an easier transition into your Monday mornings.